5 Opinions I'm Bringing to Thanksgiving Unarmed and Unbothered — Plus the One I Finally Gave Up

Thanksgiving at my aunt's place in suburban Jersey is basically a debate tournament with better food and a stricter dress code (stretchy pants). Over the years I've learned which of my opinions are load-bearing and which ones I can let go of. Here's the current roster.

1. Group Chats Are Where Friendships Go to Be Managed, Not Maintained

A group chat is a scheduling tool wearing a friendship costume. Real connection happens one-on-one or in person, full stop. If your closest relationships live in a chat with seven other people and a meme-to-substance ratio of 40:1, we are not having the same experience of friendship. I will die on this hill, probably alone, in the group chat.

2. Tipping Culture Has Become a Hostage Situation

I tip. I tip well. I was a waiter in college and I will never shortchange service workers. But the touch screen at the bakery asking for 25% on a handoff transaction is not generosity, it's a UX ambush. You can believe workers deserve a living wage AND believe the guilt-prompt software industrial complex has gotten out of hand. Both things. Same time. Uncle Rick, put the "so you don't tip anymore?" down. Read the sentence again.

3. Buying a House Is Not Automatically the Adult Win Everyone Says It Is

The white picket fence propaganda is strong. But I've watched friends become house-poor, stressed, and geographically stuck over a purchase they made because a wedding guest asked "so when are you buying?" Renting isn't throwing money away; it's buying flexibility and sleep. Homeownership is great when you want it, not when it's on a checklist between marriage and a minivan.

4. The Middle Seat Person Gets Both Armrests. This Is Not Negotiable.

Petty? Yes. Correct? Also yes. They have no window, no aisle, no escape. The armrests are the only compensation our society offers them. This is the closest thing to a universal moral law I believe in.

5. You're Allowed to Love People You'd Never Take Advice From

This one gets me in trouble every year, so let's set the table properly. I have people in my life I love deeply who have made the same avoidable mistake eleven consecutive times. Loving them doesn't require me to pretend their judgment is sound, and their bad judgment doesn't require me to love them less. Boundaries and affection are not enemies. Most of the fights at this very dinner table exist because somebody conflated the two.

The One I Retired

For about six years, my hill was this: quitting a stable job to chase a passion is almost always a mistake — do the passion thing on the side until it pays.

I argued it at dinners, in comment sections, at a cousin's graduation party. I had the receipts. I had the spreadsheet logic. And then a friend of mine did exactly the thing I spent years arguing against — left a perfectly good job to do the risky thing, with less savings than my rulebook allowed — and it worked. Not instantly, not painlessly, but it worked, and watching it happen from my comfortable correct position felt a lot less like winning than I expected.

Here's what I finally admitted: my opinion wasn't a principle, it was a fear wearing a principle's clothes. I told the risk I couldn't afford to be wrong so I dressed it up as wisdom for other people's lives.

So this Thanksgiving, when the topic comes up, I'm saying the sentence I've been rehearsing: "You know what, I actually changed my mind on that one." It will feel like losing an argument in front of the mashed potatoes. It will also be the most honest thing I say all day.

Turns out some hills you defend. Some hills you just walk down.